Ready for Therapy
These past couple of years, so much pressure and most of my energy has been exhausted on the enigmas of learning law & researching. I have been drowning in migraines of confusion, confliction and simply stress.
Honestly, I have become such a cynic to the system. Even now, when I read the minutes (my trial transcripts).. I get physically sick- my stomach gets twisted, I get migraines, my vision blurs and the ball swells in my throat. Not only because of the crime that was committed. Not only because the extents that the prosecutor had to go, to perceive me as this low-life thug/ gang member- monster whom had no ambitions and respect for humanity. But also, because of how much misconduct and abuse was gotten away with, to obtain my conviction. There is something called "Cognitive Dissonance" whereas the court (judges) are so stuck on autopilot, that they intentionally blind themselves to the bullshit produced in their court. In retrospect, as these procedures were happening, it was like everyone around me was talking another language and I often blanked out in trial. However, now that I've learned, and am able to translate what transpired-- I am dumbfounded.
It's so hard to not sound like a conspiracy theorist and be paranoid, when the authoritative powers allowed this to happen. I've never had a problem with authority, despite where I was raised-- where most people have this "fuck the authority" type- mindset.
I don't want to be bitter towards authority. I don't want to be this paranoid individual. I was a simple person. Despite my ambitions, my potential, my integrity-- I know I am going to need therapy when I come home. I have become a bit complex and do not want to carry this burden when I come home. My newfound Love for Life may only carry me so far.
I know I'll be great though. It's not the quantity of Loved Ones that has been on this journey with me. It's the quality that they exude, which makes the difference. You All know who You are. I Love & Appreciate You All!
PEACE, LOVE & BLESSINGS"
